Please don’t judge me, but I’ll still judge you…


A shocking truth: there is no greater critique for women than women. As much as it reality that men may still have double standards on various issues when it comes to women, femininity, gender etc. You won’t find a greater adjudicator than women over woman. We judge each other constantly:

-if you are too sexual you are a whore;
– if you are too career minded you are not maternal;
-if you dress a certain way you lack self respect;
-if you are “too” friendly with males you seek attention,
– if you are too successful you are neglecting friends/family;
-if you don’t want kids then God forbid you call yourself a woman…endlessly..

No other group imposes confusion on a females identity and her true sense of self than the opinions and ridicule of other women. With women being more socially knit in an interdependent way (generally), more so than men, this creates a conflict of belonging vs fitting in. On one end support from the very group that accepts you when you fit in with the norm of whats expected but are quick to ridicule & alienate you as soon as you are “different”. Yet many of these women have the desire for individuality & personal expression  that they crave without the judgement they impose on others! Publicly women we condemn each other for choosing to be ourselves yet privately wish for emancipation.

These labels and rigid expectations despite years of feminism continue to be dominant moulds that want to limit phenomenal women into a box of what’s “acceptable” to other women [more so than men]. If you look at it, these same standards applied for women by women are not applied to men as well. Men: they can be as sexual as their libidos allow (boys will be boys) and career focused as they wish (man must provide) but what of the equality we preach of? Shouldn’t the woman freely do all she feels she is capable, or are we as women waiting for permission to say it’s ok to support one another…that until then, we are ridiculing one another waiting for approval to say ‘women unite’.

From the way I see it. As much as gender is an issue among men and women. Women vs women is a big part of the problem that needs to be addressed as well… (Thoughts && a little rant on the Go..)


The African Man’s Pursuit…

Life, Love & Related Emotions

Following two interesting catch up conversations with a couple of my girlfriends, I now fully stand by my opinion that the African man is boldly forward in his approach to courting than any other man I have yet encountered. 

As an African woman, I have always preferred a man to pursue me, to make it explicit that he is interested AND to follow through and act on it. If you have ever been to Africa and encountered the mosquito; a brave, risk taking, perseverrant and determined insect which despite likely swatting in its attempt to bite humans, remains tenacious in its pursuit. The same determination has been what I have always been used to in my men. They relentlessly make it known they are interested even to the point of almost removing your option to decline their advances (a weirdly flattering stage just before harassment). You may play hard to get, in some cases genuinely not be interested but they are determined and confident to the extent that you start doubting your choice to decline their advances. You start questioning whether there is something more to him that you are missing and if luck has him, he’ll charm you… #Win!   

 Now my experience and observations suggests men are wary of women, or is it rejection they are avoiding? I understand times-a-changing and society is accepting of  either sex dominantly making their interest known (if repeating Sex & The City Episodes over & over taught me nothing else, it was this!) but call me traditional; I love the feeling of the hunt, the chase and the desire of courting.

Is it a cultural difference African compared to western, or just a generational thing that courting is now open for grabs? It’s almost disappointing that romance and courting is a scarce practice, almost a thing of the past. In its stead, Internet romance, Netflix and chill, situationships and more. Is it just me who misses the old ways of dating?  Is dating a thing of the past?  When it comes to dating-  Are we evolving past courtship?