De-layered… [[]]

Life, Motivational, Random

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I develop through my connections, I need them to centre me. They all push in different directions but towards the centre where they balance to hold me up. Like a tripod but with more legs. When one of these legs shift, it leaves my world limping, imbalanced and struggling to stay upright.

 
 
I listened to a lady talking about a journey her sister had fighting with cancer. She spoke of their relationship, theirs had been one of love, jealousy, friendship, sisterhood and more, a relationship typical of siblings. Overtime it had become clouded and the truth of emotions, thoughts and opinions had been lost between them. This lady explained how during the course of her sister’s treatment it came to light that she would need a bone marrow transplant. The lady was a match for her sister. and would donate. One of the potential side effects following the procedure could be a rejection of the lady’s bone marrow by her sister’s system. So she suggested and they agreed on therapy in order to air their differences and be ‘soul clean’ before they made the transplant. The power of belief that clean “blood” between them would bring good energy to the surgery giving her sister a better chance of taking to the transplant… It worked.

 

From this narrative, the timing of their transparency with one another was highlighted. It took a major life event for them to seek a path of reparation. This lady spoke of layers that we adopt as humans as we evolve through life to a point where we no longer truly express ourselves to one another, our important loved ones. How we no longer seek to offer truth and hear it back allowing for understanding, trust, better connections and a way forward in our relationships. In some cases, over time our relationships with those we love can become strained, and infected by gradual issues that we may be blind to or choose not to respond to. The more these seep in the less we are willing to engage and resolve them and the more these connections are damaged, the more we feel out of balance. The legs that hold us up start to crumble underneath us.

 

At times it is painful to address difficult aspects in relationships, but the pain, like delivering a child allows you to birth new life to your relationships. As opposed to the ladies who had to address her relationship  due to circumstance, how much more improved might our connections be if we opened up to others truthfully and also sought the truth from them? How much sweeter our relationships might if this is an avenue we become willing to explore especially where we have the time.

 

We often recite the old age adage of how life is too short, but what does that mean if not for investing in our people. Beyond the lives we build for ourselves, our connections ultimately infuse our soul, is attention too high a price?

The African Man’s Pursuit…

Life, Love & Related Emotions

Following two interesting catch up conversations with a couple of my girlfriends, I now fully stand by my opinion that the African man is boldly forward in his approach to courting than any other man I have yet encountered. 

As an African woman, I have always preferred a man to pursue me, to make it explicit that he is interested AND to follow through and act on it. If you have ever been to Africa and encountered the mosquito; a brave, risk taking, perseverrant and determined insect which despite likely swatting in its attempt to bite humans, remains tenacious in its pursuit. The same determination has been what I have always been used to in my men. They relentlessly make it known they are interested even to the point of almost removing your option to decline their advances (a weirdly flattering stage just before harassment). You may play hard to get, in some cases genuinely not be interested but they are determined and confident to the extent that you start doubting your choice to decline their advances. You start questioning whether there is something more to him that you are missing and if luck has him, he’ll charm you… #Win!   

 Now my experience and observations suggests men are wary of women, or is it rejection they are avoiding? I understand times-a-changing and society is accepting of  either sex dominantly making their interest known (if repeating Sex & The City Episodes over & over taught me nothing else, it was this!) but call me traditional; I love the feeling of the hunt, the chase and the desire of courting.

Is it a cultural difference African compared to western, or just a generational thing that courting is now open for grabs? It’s almost disappointing that romance and courting is a scarce practice, almost a thing of the past. In its stead, Internet romance, Netflix and chill, situationships and more. Is it just me who misses the old ways of dating?  Is dating a thing of the past?  When it comes to dating-  Are we evolving past courtship?