I develop through my connections, I need them to centre me. They all push in different directions but towards the centre where they balance to hold me up. Like a tripod but with more legs. When one of these legs shift, it leaves my world limping, imbalanced and struggling to stay upright.
I listened to a lady talking about a journey her sister had fighting with cancer. She spoke of their relationship, theirs had been one of love, jealousy, friendship, sisterhood and more, a relationship typical of siblings. Overtime it had become clouded and the truth of emotions, thoughts and opinions had been lost between them. This lady explained how during the course of her sister’s treatment it came to light that she would need a bone marrow transplant. The lady was a match for her sister. and would donate. One of the potential side effects following the procedure could be a rejection of the lady’s bone marrow by her sister’s system. So she suggested and they agreed on therapy in order to air their differences and be ‘soul clean’ before they made the transplant. The power of belief that clean “blood” between them would bring good energy to the surgery giving her sister a better chance of taking to the transplant… It worked.
From this narrative, the timing of their transparency with one another was highlighted. It took a major life event for them to seek a path of reparation. This lady spoke of layers that we adopt as humans as we evolve through life to a point where we no longer truly express ourselves to one another, our important loved ones. How we no longer seek to offer truth and hear it back allowing for understanding, trust, better connections and a way forward in our relationships. In some cases, over time our relationships with those we love can become strained, and infected by gradual issues that we may be blind to or choose not to respond to. The more these seep in the less we are willing to engage and resolve them and the more these connections are damaged, the more we feel out of balance. The legs that hold us up start to crumble underneath us.
At times it is painful to address difficult aspects in relationships, but the pain, like delivering a child allows you to birth new life to your relationships. As opposed to the ladies who had to address her relationship due to circumstance, how much more improved might our connections be if we opened up to others truthfully and also sought the truth from them? How much sweeter our relationships might if this is an avenue we become willing to explore especially where we have the time.
We often recite the old age adage of how life is too short, but what does that mean if not for investing in our people. Beyond the lives we build for ourselves, our connections ultimately infuse our soul, is attention too high a price?
There’s something about growing older that starts to focus your perspectives, choices, desires. You become more aware and more secure of yourself and what you want. But my problem had been that some of the people and relationships I had along the way didn’t fit in my life quite the way they used to anymore, && others had chosen paths that I didn’t fit into either. I found myself stuck between who I was for the sake of preserving history and who I’m becoming. Stifled in growth and lost.
Today however enlightened my view when I came across a post saying “take what you can get (what people are willing to give) and forgive the rest”. I took this to mean we are all our own people and sometimes we impose obligation on each other. Yet I shouldn’t expect someone to feel obligated to accommodate me; my desires, my choices, to an extent that they stifle themselves and in turn they shouldn’t expect me to either. Of course there are some do or die instances BUT as life evolves so do relationships. Some grow stronger some fade out and some simply change in their nature. Accepting this I’m now able to allow myself permission to my own choices and trust that everything else will fall into place knowing that I’ll fit in exactly where I should, where I belong importantly where MY choices take me.
This seemingly simple realisation has been conceptualised in so many ways in my head, to the point of confusion; up until this point it had me reeling, yet the simple solution is to let life be. Grow and allow new chapters into your life. As much as I was anxious about my relationships so are others about their own. So simply: enjoy what others have to offer and give only what you can, free yourself from obligation and be open to possibilities. Let life be what it will be…
1. No, it’s not gossip, when I speak about my life it’s told to those who will respect it. It happened to me. It made me feel. It changed me. It’s real, it means more.
2. Yes, I have always been independent. Yes, I can be alone. I am comfortable in my silence, in my own company.
3. No, I haven’t been as spiritual as I would have liked to be. My relationship with God needs work. I am grateful for all he continues to do in my life.
4. Yes, I am happy career wise. I feel I am in the place I should be right now.
5. No, I no dont harbour regret or hurt over life as it’s happened thus far. I reflect and learn and continue to grow.
6. Yes, I value my family and friends more. They are the extentions of me that help me take in more of life.
7. No, I haven’t done as well as I would have hoped with my finances (that now leaves room for improvement).
8. Yes, I have accepted who I am at present, I embrace all of me and positively work on the pieces of me that could be polished.
9. No, I still haven’t rejoined the gym.
10. Yes, I am open and happy to love. Happy to learn. Happy to feel. Happy to grow. I’m ready.
Thinking about a movie I found hilarious as a child ‘Dinner for one’. A movie about a 90 year old cebrating her birthday. She had a dinner table set for herself and friends, sadly they had all passed. That is how she found herself eating alone with only her butler who was waiting on her for company.
This got me thinking, a lot of the time people are afraid to do things unless they have someone else with them. But think of all the great opportunities you could miss.
Most people consider the point that it may be perceived as sad or friendless to try things alone. But is it not courage, could we not look at it as independence and strength?
Personally I used to not want to be seen to do things alone because of the message it might send. But now with or without anyone, I simply live.
(Life happens while you’re busy planning)